if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
