put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
