escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
