how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
