This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you win again, gameday.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
