A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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