Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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