bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
