if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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