I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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