She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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