Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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