i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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