I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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