I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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