walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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