You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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