Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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