I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We got so high we made milksteak
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
