You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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