so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
