well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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