Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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