you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
