Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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