I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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