There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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