We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
