$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
