did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
