My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
