Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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