The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
