Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
nutella sex= disaster
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
