Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
