i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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