When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
