every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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