She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
