we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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