well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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