can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
