Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
