my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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