hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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