somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
