i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
