ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
