then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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