Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
