its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
