If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
