i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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