all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
These tits shall not be calmed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
