I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
