Quick, to the slutcave!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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