So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The beer is more important than you right now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
