I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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