i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
