I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
