she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
