Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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