Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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