She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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