Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
