You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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